Sometimes a breakup is a breath of fresh air and sometimes it causes chest pain. The stages below are for the chest pain moments. I’ve totally been there. If you’re there now, maybe HTTP can help you through. HTTP helps everything.
I often think of myself as a website with several facets/folders. It’s a pre-req for this whole post so please bear with me. Imagine you’re a structure like:
(yeah, you’re a real winner.)
Just kidding. If you’re into the subdomain vs. subdirectory debate, that’s fine. I made subdirectories because that’s what came to me, but feel free to knock yourself out with subdomains.
Now imagine that you’ve been dumped (or you dumped the other person, whatever). And your feelings are just not cooperating. In a word, you feel “sadness.” That sucks, but it’s human, and of course things gets better — it’s like working on your website.
503s across the entire domain
www.you.com is down. This is the equivalent to being in shock. Life is difficult.
Foo: Bar, I heard the news… how you doing?
Bar: Site-wide 503.
Foo: Sorry, dude.
Stage II (optional)
503s or 200s nearly everywhere else
This stage is optional and can last weeks/months/until you find someone else attractive. Never been at this stage myself, but sometimes in movies you’ll hear dialogue like:
Friend: I know Jack broke your heart, but how about I set you up with Dave? He’s a nice guy.
Main character: I know you’re trying to help, but no Jack, no Dave. I swear off all men completely .
200s everywhere except…
Hooray, you’re functioning! This can be a really productive stage. I bet the content on
www.you.com/career/ has expanded. And with all your free time, you might even have new folders:
302 temporary redirect from
200s everywhere else
Also known as the “rebound.” Try not to make the target of your redirect 200 on the domains
someone-who-has-crushed-on-you-forever.com. The key to Stage IV is that’s it’s a 302, not a 301.
200s everywhere, including
Yay for life! The orb is green. Backend ready to publish unique content. Your frontend always turning heads.